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Welcome to HeartMind Partners.

My name is Yaj.

One of my teachers, Harville Hendrix, says,

"We are wounded in relationship, and we heal in relationship."

My work is dedicated to helping people heal in relationship, have more ease in intimacy and fulfillment in connection.

 

 

 

3 Questions to Heal the Conflict

3 Questions to Heal the Conflict

July 25, 2019

Every couple has tension at times, arguments, and even blowout fights.  However, most couples are not employing reliable instruments of conscious reflection, insight, and communication to resolve them, and to learn and grow in the process. It is simple, but … Read More

Your World – My World, Tolerating Difference

Your World – My World, Tolerating Difference

January 17, 2019

What do you do when you disagree with someone? It takes a certain kind of strength to stand still, holding onto your sense of self and sanity, while in the face of difference, disagreement, seemingly incompatible perceptions of reality. To … Read More

Severe Gratitude

Severe Gratitude

November 26, 2018

My mother used to say, “You never appreciate being well until you’re sick.”  And, “Count your blessings” (though she would follow that one up with her snarky, “One, one and a half…., two…”).  Then there are rags to riches stories … Read More

Boundaries & Good Circuitry

Boundaries & Good Circuitry

October 8, 2018

I just listened to a Ted Talk on the subject of boundaries, my favorite topic, and the speaker, Sarri Gilman, opened with this: we are all in the middle of our life story, and our story is shaped by what … Read More

Dump Defensiveness

Dump Defensiveness

September 5, 2018

We don’t need fancy concepts of evil, like multi-layered depths of hellish infernos underground with corresponding degrees of punishment. We have it above ground. It’s called defensiveness. I’m not calling people who display this behavior evil; I’m calling it a … Read More

Attack or Shut Down?

Attack or Shut Down?

August 5, 2018

There are two faces of Emotional Reactivity.  Two sides of one coin when it comes to how we react – behave – when we are emotionally triggered. All human reactivity can be categorized as being more of one form than … Read More

Eliminating Painful Interactions

Eliminating Painful Interactions

July 3, 2018

Life is short. Or, according to Chris Rock, life is long, and I get his point. It can seem awfully long sometimes. But whether it’s short or long, it is fair to say that life is hard enough without humans … Read More

The Buddha Bonk is Back!

The Buddha Bonk is Back!

June 13, 2018

Ever notice how hard it can be to stay kind, centered, calm and compassionate – Zen-like – in the face of daily annoyances and perturbances that cause us to lose our cool?  Especially when particularly annoying people are particularly annoying? … Read More

We All Need Help

We All Need Help

May 23, 2018

It’s true. And many people are fond of reciting that statement. I am not one of them. Until now. I’ve decided to not only get over my irritation with this line, but to actually find my way to ownership of … Read More

Wild at Heart Revisited

Wild at Heart Revisited

May 11, 2018

Do you ever find yourself contemplating the animal kingdom for inspiration about parenthood and instincts?  Partnership and sexuality? Have you ever felt warmed by learning of a particular species’ mating-for-life habits on The Discovery Channel? And do you sometimes feel … Read More

Don’t Feed the Fears

Don’t Feed the Fears

March 3, 2018

Which wolf in your head wins the fight? The one you feed. If you feed the fear wolf, then the fear wolf wins. Fear seems so real, so valid. It wears very distracting clothing – hard to ignore. Flashy. Compelling. … Read More

Romance, Revisited…

Romance, Revisited…

February 5, 2018

What is “romantic” anyway? Candlelight dinner, flowers, a table with a view? It can be.  If it’s with someone I feel safe with, loved by, and close to.  Someone who is available for real intimacy with me.  Whom I trust.  … Read More

Romantic Love vs. True Love – A Buddhist Perspective

Romantic Love vs. True Love – A Buddhist Perspective

January 22, 2018

The beloved Buddhist teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, answers a question about romantic love vs. True Love.  I find it a crucial distinction. True Love, he illuminates, requires four elements: Loving Kindness Compassion Joy Inclusiveness This teaching was shared in response … Read More

Formal Love Feels Good

Formal Love Feels Good

November 16, 2017

There’s a thing I say when met with an objection to the formality I suggest people use when communicating with their spouses. “How is shooting from the hip as an overall approach working out for you?” If you can honestly … Read More

Green Dude Therapy

Green Dude Therapy

November 1, 2017

There is a very small, green, stuffed dragon sitting in my office. It’s about three inches tall. It was won at a carnival game and given to me many years ago. I put it in my office at the time, … Read More

It Takes a Village Parent, or Three…

It Takes a Village Parent, or Three…

October 17, 2017

I have had a strangely surprising and important realization about parenting in our society.  I may never have had it if I was not a single mother.  There’s something very raw and exposed about being out in the world on … Read More

No Hot Dogs in the Pool

No Hot Dogs in the Pool

October 3, 2017

Would you ever think of questioning that rule?  In life, there are certain things we can pretty much all agree on – basic rules for sane living.  No hot dogs in the pool.  No pooping on the living room rug.  … Read More

“Needy” isn’t Greedy

“Needy” isn’t Greedy

August 24, 2017

Have you ever felt that someone deserved the anger you felt toward them? Because they did something particularly annoying, inconsiderate, or self-absorbed? I know the feeling. But there’s more to the story. Underneath all unpleasant emotions, we have needs that … Read More

Mate Selection 101

Mate Selection 101

June 17, 2017

“There are no accidents.”  You’ve heard that phrase?  I don’t like it.  I find it annoying. It’s not that I don’t believe there is a very valuable nugget of truth in it. There is. I just prefer other phrasing to … Read More

The Big, Obvious Secret to Happier Relationships

The Big, Obvious Secret to Happier Relationships

May 4, 2017

Have you ever wondered how couples look from a relationship therapist’s eyes? I can only speak for myself, but in my travels I have seen that any therapist who is trained well to work with couples and who is also … Read More

5 Compliment Tips for Reaching Your Partner’s Heart

5 Compliment Tips for Reaching Your Partner’s Heart

April 30, 2017

Who doesn’t like a sincere compliment? Well, some people have difficulty receiving acknowledgment or recognition, and that’s a whole other blog post. But many people do enjoy healthy appreciation sent their way, and most of us need more. This isn’t … Read More

3 Crucial Areas of Intimate Partnership

3 Crucial Areas of Intimate Partnership

March 2, 2017

I will never forget the moment when a therapist – a good one – demonstrated for me something so simple, yet so profound, about relationships. This was about eighteen years ago, and it is as true now as it was … Read More

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There is a lot of good happening in our relationship coming from this approach. And, frankly, the telephone counseling is a nice feature because of the convenience. No travel time for us. No childcare issues.

Robin W.
Age 50
Boston, MA

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To learn about the HeartMind relationship tools that make immediate and effective improvements in any relationship, take the next step and contact Yaj.