

HeartMind Blog by Yaj

Transactional Consciousness – The Knock-Knock
February 19, 2021Transactional Consciousness in Relationship On the one hand, there’s something natural about just opening our mouths and saying something, especially when there’s someone in the room who can hear us. We open up and say something that is on our … Read More

Trauma Denial – the Pandemic in Relationships
July 30, 2020We are living in the age of the brain. Our scientific knowledge about the neurological realm has expanded, and keeps expanding, to new frontiers at a faster pace than ever before. The discoveries allow us to go deeper into understanding … Read More

New “F” Words – Fight or Flight, Continued…
December 2, 2019I don’t know when I first heard the phrase, fight or flight. It may have been in ninth grade biology class, but it was probably before that, in a precociousness-inviting moment associated with observing cat behaviors at home with my … Read More

The One Who Wants Less
September 9, 2019I was on a first date at the zoo in my twenties when I lived in San Diego. We came upon the giraffes and it was mating season. I learned up close and personal how certain females in the animal … Read More

3 Questions to Heal the Conflict
July 25, 2019Every couple has tension at times, arguments, and even blowout fights. However, most couples are not employing reliable instruments of conscious reflection, insight, and communication to resolve them, and to learn and grow in the process. It is simple, but … Read More

Your World – My World, Tolerating Difference
January 17, 2019What do you do when you disagree with someone? It takes a certain kind of strength to stand still, holding onto your sense of self and sanity, while in the face of difference, disagreement, seemingly incompatible perceptions of reality. To … Read More

Severe Gratitude
November 26, 2018My mother used to say, “You never appreciate being well until you’re sick.” And, “Count your blessings” (though she would follow that one up with her snarky, “One, one and a half…., two…”). Then there are rags to riches stories … Read More

Boundaries & Good Circuitry
October 8, 2018I just listened to a Ted Talk on the subject of boundaries, my favorite topic, and the speaker, Sarri Gilman, opened with this: we are all in the middle of our life story, and our story is shaped by what … Read More

Dump Defensiveness
September 5, 2018We don’t need fancy concepts of evil, like multi-layered depths of hellish infernos underground with corresponding degrees of punishment. We have it above ground. It’s called defensiveness. I’m not calling people who display this behavior evil; I’m calling it a … Read More

Attack or Shut Down?
August 5, 2018There are two faces of Emotional Reactivity. Two sides of one coin when it comes to how we react – behave – when we are emotionally triggered. All human reactivity can be categorized as being more of one form than … Read More

Eliminating Painful Interactions
July 3, 2018Life is short. Or, according to Chris Rock, life is long, and I get his point. It can seem awfully long sometimes. But whether it’s short or long, it is fair to say that life is hard enough without humans … Read More

The Buddha Bonk is Back!
June 13, 2018Ever notice how hard it can be to stay kind, centered, calm and compassionate – Zen-like – in the face of daily annoyances and perturbances that cause us to lose our cool? Especially when particularly annoying people are particularly annoying? … Read More

We All Need Help
May 23, 2018It’s true. And many people are fond of reciting that statement. I am not one of them. Until now. I’ve decided to not only get over my irritation with this line, but to actually find my way to ownership of … Read More

Wild at Heart Revisited
May 11, 2018Do you ever find yourself contemplating the animal kingdom for inspiration about parenthood and instincts? Partnership and sexuality? Have you ever felt warmed by learning of a particular species’ mating-for-life habits on The Discovery Channel? And do you sometimes feel … Read More

Shame Helps Us Survive (Sometimes, If It’s the “Right” Kind, Not Too Often, and We Do the Right Thing with It)
April 12, 2018I actually used to believe that I don’t suffer from shame. I thought it was one of those unfortunate emotional experiences that other people have, different from my own, not necessarily worse, but certainly not better. I was wrong. I … Read More

Don’t Feed the Fears
March 3, 2018Which wolf in your head wins the fight? The one you feed. If you feed the fear wolf, then the fear wolf wins. Fear seems so real, so valid. It wears very distracting clothing – hard to ignore. Flashy. Compelling. … Read More

Romance, Revisited…
February 5, 2018What is “romantic” anyway? Candlelight dinner, flowers, a table with a view? It can be. If it’s with someone I feel safe with, loved by, and close to. Someone who is available for real intimacy with me. Whom I trust. … Read More

Romantic Love vs. True Love – A Buddhist Perspective
January 22, 2018The beloved Buddhist teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, answers a question about romantic love vs. True Love. I find it a crucial distinction. True Love, he illuminates, requires four elements: Loving Kindness Compassion Joy Inclusiveness This teaching was shared in response … Read More

Pain-Free Partnership – A 3-Step Path to Living Smarter in Relationships
December 18, 2017Pain-Free?! Does she mean pain-free marriage? Relationship?! Is she insane? Well, that last one requires more research, but this article is ready and it’s for people who experience painful interactions in relationship, and who want relief. Period. I discovered a … Read More

Formal Love Feels Good
November 16, 2017There’s a thing I say when met with an objection to the formality I suggest people use when communicating with their spouses. “How is shooting from the hip as an overall approach working out for you?” If you can honestly … Read More

Green Dude Therapy
November 1, 2017There is a very small, green, stuffed dragon sitting in my office. It’s about three inches tall. It was won at a carnival game and given to me many years ago. I put it in my office at the time, … Read More

It Takes a Village Parent, or Three…
October 17, 2017I have had a strangely surprising and important realization about parenting in our society. I may never have had it if I was not a single mother. There’s something very raw and exposed about being out in the world on … Read More

No Hot Dogs in the Pool
October 3, 2017Would you ever think of questioning that rule? In life, there are certain things we can pretty much all agree on – basic rules for sane living. No hot dogs in the pool. No pooping on the living room rug. … Read More

“Needy” isn’t Greedy
August 24, 2017Have you ever felt that someone deserved the anger you felt toward them? Because they did something particularly annoying, inconsiderate, or self-absorbed? I know the feeling. But there’s more to the story. Underneath all unpleasant emotions, we have needs that … Read More

Mate Selection 101
June 17, 2017“There are no accidents.” You’ve heard that phrase? I don’t like it. I find it annoying. It’s not that I don’t believe there is a very valuable nugget of truth in it. There is. I just prefer other phrasing to … Read More

The Big, Obvious Secret to Happier Relationships
May 4, 2017Have you ever wondered how couples look from a relationship therapist’s eyes? I can only speak for myself, but in my travels I have seen that any therapist who is trained well to work with couples and who is also … Read More

5 Compliment Tips for Reaching Your Partner’s Heart
April 30, 2017Who doesn’t like a sincere compliment? Well, some people have difficulty receiving acknowledgment or recognition, and that’s a whole other blog post. But many people do enjoy healthy appreciation sent their way, and most of us need more. This isn’t … Read More

3 Crucial Areas of Intimate Partnership
March 2, 2017I will never forget the moment when a therapist – a good one – demonstrated for me something so simple, yet so profound, about relationships. This was about eighteen years ago, and it is as true now as it was … Read More

Yaj is an incredible resource for people wishing to educate themselves, grow and move forward in a conscious way, both personally and in relationship to others – whether in business, friendship or intimate relationships.
She offers not only practical solutions and clear steps for taking action, but will help guide you to know your own truth and inner guide. Highly recommended!
Katie E.
Age 43
Valley Cottage, NY
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